Of diamonds and (derailed) prospectors :)

Kamala, all of seven years old, can be quite a challenge to raise. She is sweet, witty, observant, affectionate, and very endearing....except when she gets into one of her obstinate moods. Then there's lots of anger, some sadness, plenty of sulking, and just a terrible bad mood that sucks everyone into it. Being parent of a child who feels everything intensely is not easy, particularly if that parent is just as intense...

After a heart-to-heart with my dad, I'm talking to her a lot - telling her she is too old to sulk or throw tantrums, that she is extremely intelligent and can use words to say what's bothering her, that she has the power to stop her bad moods. The transition is happening, with fits and starts. But mom has had to hold on to her patience - for dear life sometimes.

Last night she kept waking me up for something or the other. I had picked her up from her dad's place just that evening. Looked like he had mucked with her sleep routines yet again, resulting in a wide awake kid at 10 in the night.

It was "Amma, can I have a tissue?", followed by "I'm thirsty amma", ten minutes later, followed by "Amma, how can you sleep the minute you lie down, while I cannot?" and on and on. At one point when she woke me yet again with - "Amma, why is that dog barking?" I lost my patience.

"Because I'm still alive and not dead yet! Be quiet."

Regretted it the minute the words came out. Felt bad when she started sobbing. So I gave her a hug and apologized. But it was too late. The irritation at not being able to sleep, coupled with the hurt that her patient mom had snapped at her was enough to set of a sulking episode. Kept wiggling around in bed, sobbing, tossing about, kicking her legs around - and generally making enough of a noise to prevent me from sleeping. I take a deep breath, quell my rising anger, and decide to take the patience route yet again.

"Kamala - do you know that you are among the best and most intelligent kids there is?"

Silence. More wiggling.

"You are a beautiful artist, good dancer - very affectionate kid, a pleasure to be with....and I know all this being your mom. But you see, people don't see it when you sulk like this. They only see the sulking!"

More silence and pouting in the darkness. The time was nearing 10:45 pm - 2 hours past her bedtime....I decide to change tack. Put my arms around her resisting body and ask

"kanna, do you know what a diamond is? Not the diamond shape - but the real diamond?"

She eases up a little.

"No. What is it?"
"Its a very precious stone....sparkles beautifully. If you look at it in the sunlight, it looks like a star in itself. And it is SO strong that it can cut most metals - just like that! Many factories use diamond-tipped cutters to cut metal and rock...its that strong!"

Now she's all ears.
"Can I get one?"

"Maybe some day...but my point is, diamonds come from the ground and look like ordinary glass when they do. If people saw a diamond in the mud, they'd throw it away, thinking its glass...but a diamond prospector is the one who knows its real value"

"Wow, diamonds come from the ground? Can I dig some up in the backyard?"

Hmmm...this conversation is not going where I want it to. But I decide to chug along. What harm if kid learns some science in the process? Never mind that in an hour it'll be midnight.

"No kanna, you can't. Diamonds can't be found everywhere. You know what coal is?"

"That black thing?"

"Yeah. Coal buried for many many years under mud and rock and trees eventually gets so hard that it becomes transparent....diamond is the purest form of coal. Isn't that interesting? The pressure makes it so"

"Wow...if I put a piece of coal under a pillow and sleep on it everyday, will I get a diamond?"

Dear God, my head is spinning here.

"kanna, this is not like a hen sitting on an egg and the egg hatching, okay?"

She laughs as I continue.
"It needs years and years of forces like a 100 elephants sitting on it - to become a diamond"

"But I can sleep with the coal under my pillow for many many years..."

"Uh-uh. Won't work....err, my point is, the diamond prospector doesn't throw a diamond when he sees it, like other people. He knows its true value - he knows that what makes it look like ordinary glass is just a bunch of junk and dust on it..and if he removes it and polishes it - you'll have the most beautiful gemstone! So..."

Now comes the excited query

"Does he get to keep it after polishing?"

Sigh! My moralistic pep-talk is getting derailed here.

"Sometimes. But most of the time diamonds are government property"
"What's government?"
"The president and his people. Most diamonds are found in South Africa and are the property of South Africa"
"So the South African president keeps them all?"

This conversation is getting out of control! But I'm still fighting to steer it back.

"No. Companies pay the government to dig up diamond mines and get the diamonds"
"Can the president keep at least one?"
"Sure - if he pays for it"
"Can I have a diamond?"
"Sure - when you grow up and earn money and buy one!"
"But that's too long. Can you get me one?"
"If you graduate Magna Cum Laude in High school - maybe then. It'll be my present"

She knows what Magna Cum Laude is. I had explained to her when my friend's daughter graduated with that in High school.

A pout - "But that's too long!"
"Well - I have to save up for it, and you have to earn it by being good"

She sighs, as I continue.

"Kamala - my point is this. You are my diamond. Okay? And I'm your diamond prospector...Only I know how wonderful you are, because I can see what others can't. You are a gem....but this gem is covered with a lot of dust and grime. Now you tell me - if you are a diamond, what is the dust?"

She smiles.
"Tantrums and sulking?"

Finally!

"Yes - that is correct!" I hug her. "See, you're so smart. Because of the sulking, people think you are glass. But I know you are a diamond. For others to know this, we should get rid of the dust!"

"But I'm trying"

"Yes, I know. We'll just keep working on it, okay?"

"Ok"

"No more sulking tonight"

"Ok - sorry, amma!" And a hug.

I go to sleep. Five minutes later,
"Amma, where is the biggest diamond in the world?"

Hmmm.
"I think its the Kohinoor diamond. In a London museum"
"Can you get me that if I graduate Magna Cum Laude?"
"Maybe if you quiet down and sleep tonight, and be real good, and Amma makes lots and lots of money, I'll consider it."
"But can you at least get me a diamond necklace if you can't?"

Sigh...welcome to America, the land of materialism!

"Sure"

The night ends on that note. Only time will tell what this oft-derailed prospector managed to get across.