Flashers Anonymous

It stumps me everytime a man flashes. What makes him do it? What drives a man to come to some unknown woman, and drop his pants/dhoti/shorts/whatever?

Is he trying to impress her? Aren't there less....um, blatant ways of impressing a woman?

Is he trying to get a second opinion, after using one of those dubious "grow your manhood in 3 weeks" potions? Hmmm - that would require a before and after study, so nix that thought.

Is he trying to scare her? Maybe he's thinking Look at Lethal Weapon 3 Or maybe he thinks its Naked Gun 33 1/3. Whatever.

The first time I came across a flasher was way back in my college days. We had a sadistic slave-driver for an Engineering Drawing professor. One night, some drunken brawl broke out in the Boys' hostel and said professor got wind of it. So he decided that we first year students had too much time on our hands, and imposed some 25 drawing problems as "homework". It was to be completed within the week. The problems were pretty time-consuming, and finishing them within the week was no mean feat. So night after night we toiled at it....taking breaks only to think up ways to kill this prof :))

The girls hostel was a makeshift one, as there weren't many girls in the engineering stream in the years past. It was really some converted Staff quarters, so ten girls were given one living quarters. Each of these quarters had three rooms, arranged in a single file. A grill-covered patio extended across the three rooms, with work tables the students could use. The entrance to the quarters was through a door in this patio. The central room had a door that opened into the patio, and the other rooms could be reached from the central room. The patio had a light, so those who wanted to work without disturbing their roomies could come work/study here. Which is what many of us did, peacefully for the most part. One day, that peace was threatened.

Word was out that for the past couple of days, there was a seedy character hanging around the women's hostel....a dhoti-clad figure that would appear seemingly out of nowhere. This character would wander around for a while, leering at these women, and at a random moment, decide to drop his dhoti. Esther Devakumari, a nice timid girl from Nagercoil, was among the first ones to have witnessed Operation dhoti-drop. Said operation had the effect of making her faint, and she had to be revived by her roomies.

Now my roomies were afraid to go near the patio....what if the dhoti-dropper strikes again, was the general thinking. I tried to not let this bother me - proceeded with work as usual. In fact, their fear of the patio worked out nicely for me. There were fewer tables in the patio than people, and on 'heavy assignment days' we all competed for them. Now I had a choice of tables to work on. And it was a covered patio anyway, so I didn't see what the fuss was about.

"But what about the dhoti guy?" asks L, a roomie.

I didn't care. I wasn't going to lock myself up like some burqa-clad person just because of some dhoti man. Besides, I was too worried about Mr.Sadistic Professor to let a little dhoti-drop come between me and my assignment. I sat down and finished it in two nights straight. Either there was no dhoti man or I was too engrossed, I don't know. But those nights passed off uneventfully.

This emboldened my roomies somewhat. So M and C decide to use the patio tables the next couple of days. C cannot stay awake past midnight, so she comes in to sleep while M continues to work. One of the three rooms had, due to the dhoti emergency, been converted to a study room, so a bunch of us were studying there. A little after midnight, M, a soft-spoken Malayalee girl, comes rushing in and collapses on a cot. She starts to weep and I wonder what's up with her. Homesickness? It was little over 6 months since we joined the hostel so that wasn't uncommon. Exhaustion? Won't be surprising, considering the workload Mr.Sadist had dumped on us.....The monthlies? What else?

Turns out its Mr.Dhoti-dropper again. He had paid us a visit and decided to drop the dhoti at the very moment M looked up from her drawing. The 'sight' was too much for her sensibilities, and had caused her to break down...Ah! So we console her and she goes to bed, still somewhat shaken. A couple of minutes later, M comes running to the study room. She says the patio door is not locked....She had left our quarters to greet a friend around 10 in the night, and forgot to lock the patio on her return....So now there was a danger that the dhoti-dropper may come in at any moment. A general alarm goes up, and I try to calm them down.

"Relax, girls. We can lock the central room door, so he can't get in", I say.

"But Priya, after last week's rains the door bottom had grown soggy and we can't lock this door now."

Huh? All these days I had thought the door was locked and it wasn't?

"We can close the door with some effort, but we can't lock it", they explain. Hmmmm. So what do we do?

Silence. R, the virtuous drama queen who claimed she 'skipped' all the erotic portions of pulp novels starts simpering "Oh my God, if he comes here what do we do yaaaah?". U joins in and they both give each other the what do we delicate flowers do if dhoti man unleashes his weapon look and accompanying shivers. Bah. One sight of the male organ and these delicate flowers would wilt, it would seem.

I tell them to cool it. We were 10 of us, there was only one dhoti man. Or dhoti-less man....whatever. We could easily clobber him with chairs and such if it comes to that.

"But what if he drops the dhoti?", asks the drama queen.
"If he drops the dhoti he drops the dhoti", I reply.

I walk into the bath-and-wash area and emerge with a broom. This was quite thick, made of coconut bristles. Maybe a good weapon, I think.

"Ok, here's the plan. I'll walk over with this broom for protection, and go close the door. But I want someone to come with me....now who wants to come with me to close the door?"

Not M, who is still in shock. Not C or S or anyone else. Definitely not the simpering drama queens U and R.

"Come on, girls. We need to get that door closed, don't we?"

General assent at that.

"So if you want, I'll go first. One person can come right behind me, armed with a chair. We get the door closed, and we are out of there. Deal?"

Silence again.

"Come on. What can happen? We can easily beat him up if he tries something. We have chairs to beat him up with. Someone has to close the door, right? So come with me!"

L reluctantly agrees to be the one behind me. So I march off, broom in front of me. I walk quietly, thinking L is following me, lean my weight against the door and bolt it....turn around, only to see nobody behind. So L had decided to ditch me after all! A minute later, I hear loud banging at the door - Mr.dhoti-man, I think dryly, more stung by the lack of support from fellow roomies who I was trying to protect.

I find them all huddled in one room, cowering behind chairs and giggling nervously. One of them, A, looks up

"So did you close the door?"

I give her a look and quietly pick up my blankets and walk off to the next room.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Flasher Episode - II

Cut to Cubbon Park, Bangalore. I was newly married, and my then hubby and I went there some weekends, to enjoy the outdoor atmosphere and to have lunch in the restaurants nearby. After a long walk, and some lunch, we settle down on a bench. Hubby, who decides to write a letter to someone, turns away from me. And we sit there with our backs to each other, him writing and me reading a novel.

A good half hour passes this way. Then out of the blue comes an unkempt, poor guy, walking somewhat unsteadily. Comes and stands in front of me. I absently look in my purse for a coin, thinking he wants money. Instead, he shakes his head and points to his crotch. Huh!? I decide he is crazy and engross myself in the book again. He calls me again, and again points to his crotch. What? What is he trying to do? Enlighten me that he has a crotch?.......I know you have one, I think and try to read my book. Again, I'm called. I get tired of this, tap hubby and tell him about it. Hubby says "Ignore him".

Huh?!! As if I hadn't tried enough to ignore the guy already. In a little while, I persuade hubby and we both walk away from there. What a turn off on a nice, sunny day like this, I think. I hope this guy comes across a woman with a pair of garden shears.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Flasher Episode - III

This is in a big midwestern city. Hubby was there on business, and I had decided to accompany him. I was studying in a university in a different town, and was visiting hubby for the holidays when this trip came up. I accompany him, knowing fully well he was going to be out most of the day in meetings. Left to my own devices, I try to make my alone time as cheerful as possible. Do my workout, watch TV for a while and then decide to take a walk.

I must've walked a good half mile, taking in the sights of the neighborhood..... the potted plants outside, children's toys left in the lawn, the odd cat. I stop at an intersection to let a jeep pass, and the man in it leans forward and asks for directions to 6th street. I tell him I don't know and wait for him to pass. He says something again. Again I suggest that he ask someone else, or ask in the gas station nearby. Then wait for him to pass. And again he says something, only this time its garbled. I ask him to repeat it and he says "I want you to look here", and points. Naively I look, see his exposed organ, and walk off in a state of shock.

The episode disturbs me quite a bit, and when I get back to the university, I tell my friend W about it. He laughs, says "You should've said something, Priya. Shouldn't have walked off quietly like that"

"Said something? To a guy like that?"
"Yeah. You should've said is that all? I've seen better, man!" W guffaws.

I glare at him. Men!

*-*-*-*-*

Flasher Episode IV

Well, this is not an episode, really. I'm in Chennai the same year, and decide to pay my friend Raji a visit. Raji had a toddler at that time, and we sit and talk of many things. I mention Flasher Episode III and Raji laughs. Says she had a similar problem, that was finally solved. Solved? How?

"See, there was a guy like that in the house across. Would stand near that big glass window and drop his pants everytime he saw a woman.....habba!"

I look at the house. Nobody there.

"And then?"

Raji laughs. "And then one day, he did that when I was out in the courtyard. Dropped his pants. I turned away, but little Preethi, who was coming out just then, saw him. Hayyayyooo......you have no underwear on. Hey, where is your jatti man? Shame, shame! she shouts gleefully. You know how loud her voice is, right? Guy gets so embarrassed, he runs away immediately. And has stopped his antics ever since".

Huh. I look at little Preethi with new respect. There she is, sitting a little away from us, playing with the little teaset I had brought her, blissfully unaware of our conversation. This kid will go far, I think. A kid after my own heart.....