Short story: You, me, and a strand of jasmine

This day, nearly forty years ago, we were together for the first time. Alone, in a room decked as for a traditional Tamilian wedding night, I was looking into your eyes.

I had barely spoken to you before then, did not know what to expect from a man I had seen just once before the wedding. Elders decided we would be right together, and I had accepted that. Now what? I'm apprehensive....I've been told to make you happy, along with some whispered (and bewildering) instructions.

I walk into the bathroom to change, and emerge in a simple saree, sans all the layers of jewelry. Sans the brand new mangalsutra and the strands of jasmine in my hair, I don't have any of the bridal adornments. I stand there hesitantly, not knowing what to say to you, how to begin - feel very awkward even standing there.....You sense this, and holding my hands, sit me down on the bed. Look into my eyes, smile, remove a strand of jasmine hanging from the bedpost and place it around my neck. A garland of jasmine..... I finger it gingerly, this first gift from my husband. You take my hand in yours and look into my eyes.

"All the other ceremonies were for others. This one is for us. From this day forward, we begin a new journey. Are you with me?"

I nod, a little apprehensive. You continue "More than anything else, I am your best friend. I want you to be mine as well. Is that alright with you?"

I smile a little, and nod.

"Good. Then we are on the same page. I don't expect you to obey me at every turn. We are partners in life. I want you to tell me what's on your mind at any time without any fear or hesitation from now on. ok?"

This sounds a little novel to me, but I'm beginning to feel less apprehensive......I nod again and say a shy "Ok".

"Hmmm... I was beginning to wonder if you had a voice", you tease, and take me in your arms. I try to remove the clip in my hair that held the strands of jasmine in place and you restrain my hand midway "No....let them be". And so there, with the fragrance of jasmine surrounding us, we share our first kiss....you place your lips on mine and I stay still, not knowing what to do. The first kiss is shy, tentative, and you smile at me afterwards, trying to guage my reaction. Then you kiss me again, bolder this time....I feel your tongue exploring mine. I did not know one could do that....now I'm curious. I mirror your moves as the kiss deepens.

So this is how it feels to kiss a man. I hadn't thought that a man's lips would be so soft. I had imagined men to be rough, and your gentleness is a revelation. You guide me as the night progresses, and afterwards, we lie talking about various things....My first full conversation with a man not related to me by blood. The first man I have ever touched, let alone so intimately....I blush at the thought. So many new experiences in one night....

Thus began our journey, in a small house with a well in the backyard, near a factory where you worked as an engineer. Early in the morning, I would keep your scooter all wiped and ready, with the lunch in its carrier, and you would be off. Housework kept me occupied until mid-day. In the quiet afternoons, books and my handiwork kept me company. I relished these afternoons, the stillness of the day pierced by the yell of the occasional vendor and the chirping of the mynahs in the trees nearby. In the evening, I would make small treats and listen for the sound of your scooter in the distance. Then I would wipe my hands, tuck a strand of jasmine to my hair, and run to welcome you. What lazy, idyllic days they were!!

Then one by one, the children came. Two sons, and two daughters. We moved to a bigger house and my days became busier. I was now a full-fledged housewife with her hands full. No time for handiwork, and the lazy afternoons were a thing of the past. Evenings were taken up in helping with homework, and mediating sibling squabbles. We had few luxuries, with raising four children and putting away some money for the future. The one nice thing now was that you started coming home for lunch. We would sit down and eat together, and swap stories of the day. You would bring me books from the library and we would read them together at night, after the children were asleep. The jasmine flowers were still there, the one luxury we could afford. Really, I could ask for nothing more. What more do I need, anyway?

The children grew up and went to college. Money became tighter, with their growing needs. You were now in a bigger position in the factory than before, so we managed. But you came home later and later - and some evenings witnessed growing arguments with the children, now young adults. We hardly had time to talk, and when we did, there wasn't any energy left to talk. Some days we ended up quarreling - you were tired, I was menopausal, and the night ended in tears. I rued all this the next day, and ended up making your favorite dishes, hoping they would compensate for our lost conversations. I even tucked the occasional jasmine strand into my greying hair - as a peace offering.

Those were some tired, tense years and I'm glad they are over. I can tell you are relieved too, though growing wearier by the day. You are as patient as always with me, but the medications you are on sometimes make you sleepy and irritable. The children have grown now, and moved away. One son is working in Delhi, and visits us twice a year. Another has taken a fancy for America and is working there. One daughter is now a mother herself, also settled in America. And here, one more is getting ready to leave for her husband's home. This last daughter, Radha - is far younger than the others, and we are loath to give her away....She has been a dear helper to her aging parents, and the house is going to be empty without her. We did all we could for her wedding, and I spent the last few days packing her luggage and giving her help and advice as needed.

The daughter is now in the car, ready to leave for her new home. I embrace her tearfully, and you decide to escort her there. So you wave at me and take off, and I return to the now empty house. The house is littered with wrapping paper, from the wedding gifts. I sweep it all away, with a helper. The helper has also left now, and I bathe, light the lamp in the puja room and wait for you. Dinner is ready - what dinner, its leftovers from the afternoon feast before seeing Radha off. I am not even in a mood to eat now, and decide to make do with simple rice and curds.

The house seems very quiet now, only the chiming of the clock interrupting the silence. I settle down to read the newspaper, and doze off. It is nine o' clock when I hear the car entering the gate. I get up with a start, and walk to the door to let you in.

"What took you so long?" I ask.

"Radha's in-laws didn't let me go so easily. They insisted I eat there...but I didn't. They kept talking for so long. Finally I came away, saying you will be waiting for me".

"Is she all settled in?"

You nod. "She'll be fine".

The silence hangs between us as I warm up the dinner. We eat quietly, and I wash and put away everything. I lock up all the doors, and find you upstairs in the open terrace, looking at the stars.

"Come and sit by me" you say.

Why not? The breeze beckons, the sky is so calming, so I sit by you in the silence, on the floor. We sit looking at the stars, and then you take my hand and place a familiar little package on it. Wrapped in banana leaf, and tied with string. Jasmine flowers....

I smile teasingly at you as I open it up "So you decided to bring this old woman some flowers, so she won't miss her daughter too much?".

You look at me thoughtfully, a smile playing on your lips. Pull me closer, helping me tuck the flowers in my hair.

"No, I'm bringing my wife flowers tonight, as it is our wedding night. Remember....forty years ago this day?"

So you remembered.....I try to smile at you, but tears cloud my eyes. You kiss the tears away, and take me in your arms. I feel the softness of your lips against mine once again, as the fragrance of the jasmine wafts all around us. Up above, the stars wink, and bless our union.

From this day forward, my husband, we begin a new journey...and I'm glad you are with me!