The Phantom Within

"In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
The voice that calls to me and speaks my name
And do I dream again for now I find
The Phantom of the opera is there
Inside my mind"*

I'm a woman possessed. Watched "Phantom of the Opera" sometime back - and what a magical experience it was!

The Phantom, if done right, is a work of art. Three-dimensional art. As it weaves its magic, you lose all sense of yourself and where you are and simply surrender to it.

You should watch it in a theater dedicated to the show - in London, Broadway, or Las Vegas. Do not watch the traveling show - it is not the same. In a dedicated theater the settings are perfect, the cast is practiced, and on your mind's canvas will unfurl the silence, the beauty, and the magic of the night.

*-*-*
The Phantom is a much-misunderstood, lonely character. A musician doomed to a lonely existence due to his disfigured face, he whiles away his time in dark underground places, venturing out only to teach young Christine, a singer who is part of an opera group. He falls in love with Christine and goes to any level (unbeknownst to Christine herself) to promote her career. He uses intimidation, and random acts of terror to make the opera group do his bidding.

For a long time, Christine never sees him - only hears the music. She knows of a Phantom's existence, but does not know that this is her teacher. Afraid of the effect of his appearance, the Phantom never shows himself to her. Until the day she regains touch with a childhood best friend and falls in love with him. The Phantom appears then in her dressing room, his face covered with a mask.

From then spins a tale of intrigue - on the one hand, there is the eager Phantom wanting to teach Christine all he knows, making her the vehicle of his music while slowly, unwittingly coming under her spell. His long unexpressed music, and longing of the heart are crying out for a release and he wants to possess Christine entirely. On the other hand is the lover wanting to marry Christine, and frustrated by the Phantom trying to thwart his plans. Then there Christine herself, torn between her affection, respect and gratitude for her mentor, and love for the man she lost and found again.

Witnessing what he thinks is Christine's "betrayal" of him in accepting her lover's proposal of marriage, the Phantom gets more and more possessive and cruel. He fumes and frets and his demented rage spares no one. Yet beneath that, one can see his vulnerability, and loneliness.

At one point the Phantom kidnaps Christine and threatens to kill her lover. Several tense moments pass until, miraculously, Christine sees him for what he truly is - not the scary ghost that everyone makes out to be, but a lonely, sad and dejected creature. She grabs his disfigured face, tears off the mask, and kisses him passionately and wholeheartedly. The Phantom, stunned and moved by Christine's validation, sets the lovers free.

At the very end, the phantom disappears and all that is left of him is the mask. The truth - and Christine's genuine acceptance - sets the Phantom free.
*-*-*

Long after the play, I kept thinking about it. The music that haunts the soul, and the story that lends itself to so many interpretations.

A part of us is like the rejected Phantom, with so much buried beauty, and so many unexpressed longings. This part is pining away for what it cannot have, the dashed hopes turning to bitterness and at times, cruelty. If not cruelty, it turns into indifference - which can sometimes be worse.

We pretend to go on with life, thinking it doesn't matter. We tell ourselves "what doesn't need us is not needed anymore". We wear a mask over our true feelings, thinking those to be too raw to expose to the world.

The feelings dwell somewhere in the recesses of our mind, rising like the Phantom to haunt us when we least expect it. Afraid of discovery, the feelings come out as still masked, the anger expressing itself in a cloaked manner in our unthinking actions. We wear the mask even with our own selves. After all, what will become of us when the walls come down, the mask comes down?

What really happens is liberation. We are set free when we truly embrace and acknowledge all parts of us - even the sad, lonely, childlike, and vulnerable parts. We long for such validation from someone else, but in secret. And rage secretly when that isn't given :).

Of course, if someone else gives us that kind of acceptance - it is a blessed existence. Few are blessed with this. Peace comes when we accept ourselves, and try to address unaddressed needs. When the healer heals oneself.....when our inner Christine sets the inner Phantom free.

"Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before
Close your eyes, and let your spirit start to soar
And you live as you've never lived before"**
----
* - from the title song of the "Phantom of the Opera". Full lyrics are here
** - from this song in the "Phantom of the Opera"